Saturday and Sunday!!

Since birth, god has bestowed upon me a number of blessings some of which include red hair, impeccable taste, freckles, and the ability to do hand stand push-ups. Above all these blessings, he gave me the greatest cousin in the world. Behold the Ricker:

Yeah, it’s obvious, this guy is the real deal.

The Ricker is always a good weekend.

Sunday starts in downtown Portland, next to taped-off crime scene, across from the Salvation Army and its lively patrons, at Voodoo Doughnuts. Voodoo Doughnuts has some crazy pastries. They have bacon covered maple bars, cap’n crunch-covered-pinky-sprinkly’s, different sorts of candy-bar-crumble topped choices, and their piece de resistance: one 16 inch chocalate covered – cream filled penis-shaped doughnut that was absolutely terrifying. They didn’t have bear claws.

My choice:

Standard chocolate frosted donut for the base. Oreo crumbles drizzled with peanut butter. It’s called the “Ol’ Dirty Bastard”. I don’t like sweets much, but I like ODB, aced that donut. Then drank a quad shot espresso kicker from dutch babies. Danced and sang in the car, with the Ricker, all the way to Astoria!!

The Ricker car-dances very well, and knows all the words to “Pour some sugar on me”, all the words.

Found a farmer’s market in Astoria and immediately found some corn hats to wear. Favorite Shirt:

We had to quit wearing the hats, when most of the ladies in Astoria started following us around, demanding attention.

We hiked from downtown to the Astoria Column:

The streets on the way are demarcated thusly:

On a clear day, I would imagine the view from the top of this column, that lies atop of Astoria’s hills, would be enchanting. However, no one knows exactly what the view from the top is like, because Astoria has yet to have a clear day. Since 1811. It rains constantly in Astoria. So much so, the street-names are stamped in the sidewalks at crossings, so the pedestrian can save having to look up into the rain to read street-signs:

I have started to enjoy the rain in Astoria though. I think what would bother me, after a while, is not the rain, but rather, the absolute lack of sun. The sky just sort of glows. Weird.

Anyhow, Ricker wanted a piggy-back ride down a hill. I obliged. We started gaining speed. We slammed. We spent the rest of the day with muddy pants, looking like we had had accidents.

A banana slug pooped in Ricker’s hand. They have clear poop, pictured here.

While walking down the river, by some docks, a random car stops and the driver says, “Hey Garret, did you get a fishing job yet?”. The Ricker was astonished that I am known in Astoria. It was my boy Chuck, Captain of the Elsie out of Warrenton. Safe sailing bro!

They also know me, by name, at the pub. I have only been there twice. Do work.

We went to Rogue Pier 39, I got my free pint!!

It’s the one on the left. Brutal Bitter is the name of it. Cold. Free. Delicious.

Free beer tastes better than normal, paid for beer. Also, that beer was served to me by a very pretty woman, who lost a bet. That greatly adds to the taste.

She said I can come back for another free pint, if I do something crazy that impresses her. That is a dangerous bet. I want free pints though, so I will have to dream something up.

I had a similar, working relationship with my bud Shannon in college. I did the majority of her homework, and she let me drink for free at my favorite bar in Tucson. I like that I keep making these arrangements.

Went to some more pubs. Had some oysters, cheese steaks, bean dip, and popcorn for lunch. We are trying to bulk up.

For dinner, the Ricker and I put a beating in at Burger King. Finished 9 sandwiches and fries. Dollar Menu!

Before Sunday with the Ricker, was Saturday in Waldport.

Saturday starts with a run, swim in the ocean, and then a stolen shower from the state campgrounds.

On the way from shower to truck, I meet Roger from Eugene.

This dude, Roger, has a bunch of colorful rocks and books spread out all over a table. Yes! I absolutely HAVE to stop and chat with him. Turns out Roger is an astrologist. After about 20 minutes of BS, I say OK bro let’s hear it.

He starts by saying that I have an affinity for water.

I’m wearing swim trunks wet from the ocean on a day when only people who love the water would go in, it is freezingNot impressed Roger.

He then says that I like the water because I am a wood ox. He goes on that it must be that I am born in either 74 or 85. 85, he says. Then he says that it must be that I am born in December, because he knows that I am a Sagittarius.

Big deal, you can guess birthdays, bro.

Roger continues. I have an old soul he says.

I’m getting sick of hearing that.

He says that I always date girls that are born in the summer. He tells me why a number of relationships I have had didn’t work out. He tells me exactly why I am on the road, what I am learning, and what I can expect to learn, because of the stars in the sky, the year it is and my astrological signs.

Roger earns about a 97% at this point.

He says I need to date summer girls, but not ones born in 86 or 83, like my last two girlfriends.


I become extremely uncomfortable. I am weirded out. I leave.

Before I go though, I gave Roger two rocks that I picked up in AZ. One was a volcanic rock from the top of Humphrey’s Peak, the other a pink quartz from wet beaver creek. He is ecstatic. He starts going on about his collection, power quartz rocks, superstitions, blah blah.


Portland. Ricker made hamburgers on an electric grill that uses pellets. Things are a little different up in Portland.

During dinner, I sat next to Allie. She is 10. Kids often make for the best dinner conversations.

After dinner, U of A won their football game.Undefeated 4-0.

Good saturday. Good Sunday. Good Weekend.

Before that, my week was pretty nondescript. I spent most of it putting out resumes and hanging out at the beach. I have been gathering information and equipment in preparation to become the world’s greatest dungeness crab fisherman. I drank some whiskey with elk-hunters. I watched Rio Bravo about 5 times, took notes. I watched U of A beat Iowa, then went dancing on a big Salem saturday night. Jogged a lot. Read a lot.

I also worked on perfecting skills I found on a list, on the floor of an outhouse, in Astoria, haha.

This trip continues to be unbelievable for me. I have met some characters, learned a ton about myself and life, and have learned how to pay attention. It is scary to be by myself so much, but I have to go at this alone.

Anyhow, this is where I woke up this morning – This is why I keep it up:

This week: Fishing, Writing, Looking for Work, Seattle by train, Mariner’s last home game.

Pictures for fun:



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Forrest
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 14:25:01

    The Ricker! The one and only time I met this legend, he beer bonged 3 Tecates and immediately upchucked in the rocks.


  2. Jeff
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 15:24:26

    I love following your adventures…………I wish I had done that back in the day. Time for you to start writing a blog for $$, beer and bear claws.

    be safe, Walter lurks……..



  3. Pooch Magooch
    Sep 28, 2010 @ 12:16:56

    Since your in Astoria….go for a Goonies tour….maybe you’ll find treasure


  4. jenni
    Sep 29, 2010 @ 17:10:50

    suddddeennnllly motorcycle drive by comes to mind when reading all of this:

    “and i’ve never been so alone and i’ve never been so alive….” jealous of you. so. much. stay safe punk!


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